But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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