She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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