I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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