you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize