I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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