i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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