there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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