Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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