my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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