this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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