I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize