textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize