dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My dick has a subreddit
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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