we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize