Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize