On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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