my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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