how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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