I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
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Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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