We won't sleep together?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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