Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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