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Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Randomize
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