Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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