its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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