Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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