I need to stop coming to work sober
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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