We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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