I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think i have herpe
just one?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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