I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize