I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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