I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize