its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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