I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize