good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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