So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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