The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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