have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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