I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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