I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize