haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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Can't talk, ducks in the car
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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