He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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