the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
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You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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