I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you didnt know i had herpes?
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you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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