So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize