Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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