what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize