somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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