even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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