How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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