tell your sister to shave her snatch
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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